First Snow: A Primer for My Loved Ones in the Southland

As we hunker down here in Kansas City for our 2nd real snow of the season, I thought I'd share my thoughts on the "First Snow" for all my sun-loving loved ones in the Southland.

Dear Family & Loved Ones Living in the Deep South:

Snow Observation #1: Snow is silent and still. Silence surrounds snow on both ends. Before a snow storm rolls in, it is not just cold, as you would imagine, in fact, the weather warms up a bit, and it is very still and quiet. My high school science education would have me guess that this is because the clouds are heavy, bountiful, and laden with water and ice. After a good snow falls, it is unimaginably silent and still. I have experienced good snows in major metropolises, suburbs, and tiny isolated "off-the-grid" cabins. Even in the midst of Uptown, Chicago the morning after a snow is so quiet, so still.

Snow Observation #2: Snow is makes the world go Blue. After a good snow, both at sunrise and sunset, the entire world turns blue. There have been a few times, when I was unaware of an impending overnight snow, only to wake up wondering why the light filtering in through the windows was blue! Again, high school science guess, this has something to do with the light refraction of the sky against a landscape covered in white.

Snow Observation #3: The First Snow never comes "on-time." It always seems to come "early this year" or "so late this year." No proper Yankee seems to think the First Snow comes anywhere near the time is "usually does." If it snows before Thanksgiving, you will be told is usually doesn't snow until December. If there isn't any snow by Thanksgiving, you will be told how surprising it is there hasn't been any snow yet.

Snow Observation #4: The first snow is lovely and quaint. It inspires soup making and knitting. Children will scrape the first snow into tiny snow-people and pitiful snow-balls, even though there is perhaps a 1/2 inch on the ground. Folks haul out their real snow boots. I happily shovel the front steps, side walk, even the back deck, thinking, "This year I will stay one step ahead of snow-compacted icy stoops!"

Snow Observation #5: People forget how to drive in the snow during the first snow. Seasoned Midwesterners, who have spent a lifetime driving through feet of snow and inches of black ice, suddenly freak out at the first snow. Everyone rushes to dig out the old or run out to buy a new snow scrapper for the car (as I learned my first snow of my first real winter, a credit card is NOT an appropriate tool for scrapping ice and snow). People gather at the gas station with cakey windshields to put windshield washer fluid in the tank. Folks drive with extra caution and put off plans "due to weather." By late January, nothing less than a blizzard will keep us from leaving home or putting off plans.

Snow Observation #6: After the First Snow, subsequent snows seem like nothing but cruel winter. The novelty wears off very quickly. Further into winter, the snow-thaw cycle ceases, and we enter a cycle of snow-compacted into piss-stained ice-snow. By February there are lumps of ice along the curbs that seem permanent parts of the streetscape. Scraping ice and snow at 6am is a bitter task adding 30 minutes to the morning routine. Folks stop shoveling their sidewalks, and those of us who use our feet as a primary form of transit or need to walk our dogs, walk a perilous route. I have dreadful memories of Chicago, thinking I would never again be able to walk the sidewalk without arms outstretched for balance and the constant fear of slipping and bruising my ass and my dignity.

It is good to be mindful of the charms of the First Snow, as there are 5 more months of Subsequent Snows in store. When your Yankee friends call in January, looking for a couch or guest bedroom, please be generous.